


Love just isn't the right word

by Nemuresu



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, Gen, Mentions of Okumura Haru/Nijima Makoto, Mentions of Takamaki Ann/Suzui Shiho, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Morgana and Ann appear a bit more so I put them on characters but they don't show up much either, Queerplatonic Relationships, Ryouji confused about his feelings, Ryouji-centric, this is more of a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 08:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11755851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nemuresu/pseuds/Nemuresu
Summary: It's not like Ryouji Sakamoto and Akira Kurusu are dating, they just... really like being around each other. There is nothing wrong with that, is there?Then why does Ryouji keep second guessing himself?





	Love just isn't the right word

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have much experience with queerplatonic relationships and I am someone who gets pretty confused about their feelings, so I'm not too sure if I managed to do them justice, but I figured that not-romantic fluff is never too much, so... here we are.  
> I have no beta and English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance if I get something wrong.  
> Hope you enjoy.

Pinpointing a start to it is tricky.  
It doesn’t feel like it started as much as it feels it has always been there. Like how you can’t tell what was the drop of water that made the cup overflow, you just have to suck it up and mop the floor.  
And it isn’t that Ryouji didn’t search either. Once he realized it, he started looking for it, but he couldn’t find it. Which doesn’t make sense, because he knows he didn’t feel this way when they first met. Ryouji wasn’t hoping that someone like Akira would show up in his life, and neither does he believe in that love at first sight bullshit.  
But none of that can change how things are right now, and right now Ryouji loves Akira Kurusu.  
Except-  
Love doesn’t always feel like the right word. It is a bit like wearing a coat smaller than the shirt you are wearing, it works, but doesn’t feel great.  
Love is supposed to be this big, romantic thing that sweeps you off your feet. Love is supposed to be the kiss at the end of the movie, or the way that Ann looks into Shiho’s eyes, or how Haru squeezes Makoto’s tight when she thinks no one is looking.  
The way Ryouji feels about Akira isn’t like that.  
He wants to hug Akira and tangle their legs together, sleep leaning on him; but he hasn’t thought about kissing Akira out of anything but curiosity. Sometimes he wants to hold hands while they walk, but he has never thought about having sex with him. Whenever Ryouji sees Akira’s smiles he wants to keep it there for the rest of their lives, to make him happy for as long as he can, but if he tries to think about their future together, mariage never comes up. Although… maybe being roommates would be nice…  
Yet, Akira seems to understand all this better than even Ryouji.  
Ryouji was the one that started with the touching: an arm over Akira’s shoulder, falling asleep on his shoulder when Akira invited him to watch a particularly boring historical movie after a late night in the Metaverse, that kind of shit. Akira, though, he took the thing to a whole new level after a while.  
Akira invited Ryouji for a sleepover one day, which had already become pretty commonplace. It was the same shit as it usually was: playing a few games, talking, watching some movies and all that shit; except that after setting up the DVD player Akira sat closer than usual. And… by the end of the movie, Ryouji’s fingers kept running through Akira’s hair, who was nearly sitting on his lap. They spent the rest of that night cuddling and shit, it didn’t feel awkward or like there were any expectations, or anything like that. It was just… cuddling because it felt good and comfortable and warm. After that things just ended up going that way more often than not.  
They now hold hands from time to time, Ryouji sometimes sleeps in Akira’s lap during break and Akira leans into him during Phantom Thieves meetings and whispers jokes to Ryouji until he can’t keep a straight face anymore and Makoto lectures them about the importance of paying attention to the meetings.  
Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the Phantom Thieves. Ann smirks and calls them cute, Futaba tells them to turn down the PDA and complain about how disgusting they are being and Makoto keeps saying “subtle” shit about how nothing would change if they were together. Haru just straight up asked if they were dating one day. Neither Ryouji nor Akira hesitated or panicked before saying no.  
She didn’t say anything, but Ryouji is sure she thinks they are weird. And, hell, it’s not even like he can explain it. He doesn’t want to date Akira, but he doesn’t want to stop either: he just feels like this is right. When he tried asking Ann about it, she just said “It just sounds like you are too far in the closet to realise how much you and Akira are dating right now”. It didn’t really help. It just felt Ryouji frustrated and full of nervous energy he didn’t have a way to get rid of.  
It only got worse that when Ryouji went to Akira’s house Morgana wasn’t in a good mood.  
“I’m sure there are better guys for you to date, Akira. I mean, even that old politician you go meet sometimes is better than an idiot like Ryouji. You have to have better taste than that.” Akira was quick to cut him off, but Ryouji can’t stop thinking about it.  
They are now in Akira’s bedroom, Ryouji laying his head on Akira’s lap, while Akira plays with his hair. This would usually calm him down, but his mind won’t stop swirling. “This is weird, isn’t it?”  
Any calm atmosphere they might have is completely shattered by Ryouji’s words, and he hates that he asked. Hates how soft and vulnerable his voice came out. Hates how Akira’s fingers stop moving. Hates that he has to have an answer even if the answer is “you are right, this is a mistake”, even if now Akira is just going to realize that Morgana is right and look for a real boyfriend.  
Ryouji can hear his own fingers tapping the couch in a quick rhythm and it only makes things worse. Akira seems to be in deep thought, but his eyes are locked on Ryouji’s. This is the absolute worst. Ryouji knows that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek, but he really can’t help it. Akira sighs, and wow, Ryouji must have fucked up real bad then. “Does it matter if it is weird?”, Akira says with a calm voice, “I’m happy like this, and if you are too, then I don’t see why it should have to be different. All that matters is that we found the place we are supposed to be, right?”  
Ryouji hugs him.  
Because if he doesn’t, than he just might cry. He laughs helplessly and yeah, he has never been more sure that he is where he is meant to be.


End file.
